In the midst of this extra-ordinary global pandemic, which has resulted in such drastic change and uncertainty for us, I have been reminded of people in other times and places who have also been forced, against their will, into unfamiliar and dangerous situations. Victor Frankl (1905 - 1997) was a Jewish psychiatrist and neurologist who was imprisoned in Auschwitz. He reflected deeply on his own experience during that time, and on what he noticed among his fellow-prisoners. And when released at the end of the war, he wrote, among many other scholarly works, the classic, “Man’s Search for Meaning”.
Victor reminds me that, in the societal “lock-down’ which we are now experiencing for the first time in modern history, our behaviour will change.
“An abnormal reaction to an abnormal situation is normal behaviour”, he writes.
So at this time, during these weeks of isolation and enforcement to ‘stay home’ we will all notice changes in ourselves and those around us. Some of us will be more anxious. Some will become overwhelmed with despair and hopelessness. Others will feel angry. Others will become very energetically focused on problem solving and task-completion. There may be more arguments. Little things may become hugely important. Some will want structure and routines. Others will want to ‘go with the flow’. There will be those who sleep more and those who eat more. And sometimes we will feel and do all of these and more….. this is normal.
Basically, we are all in a state of grief. Any time of CHANGE OR LOSS involves grieving. And we are in an unprecedented time of change and loss. Loss of choice about where and how we spend our days, loss or change of connection with loved ones, loss of predictable income, loss of safety in our local community, loss of certainty about making plans. And many more.
There is a shifting in the usual order of things. Those things which were so central in our daily lives (routines, leisure activities, social gatherings, earning an income) have lost their status. Now, the central things for us are our plans for supermarket shopping, questions about how to reassure and entertain the children, wonderings about how loved ones are coping, realisations that we are limited and confined in our activities and deep concern about the spread of the virus. And the people who were considered so important in our society previously (employers, bank-managers, insurance brokers, travel agents) are now less visible. Some of those who were ‘lower down in the societal rank” previously and are now more significant are our supermarket staff, delivery services, internet technicians, pharmacists and micro-biologists. Everything is topsy-turvy.
In times of stress, we regress. At one level, we all operate as if we are in our original families, reacting as children to the parental authorities around us. Kind, fair parenting results in secure, confident, empathic children. Conversely, anxious, inconsistent or unkind parenting creates the conditions for insecure, fearful children who have trouble sharing with others and learn that their needs won’t be met.
In these strange and unfamiliar times firm, clear and reassuring leadership creates a sense of stability. And when our leaders model empathy and thoughtfulness, this helps to calm our psychological distress.
We are all facing challenging circumstances. And we are forced to find different ways to cope with those challenges. Some commentators say this will be an opportunity to make significant changes in our basic philosophy about what we value. They suggest we might make paradigm shifts in our life goals. Adversity can bring out the best in some of us, and we may have a deeper realisation of how interdependent we all are.
When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves ~
Victor Frankl