As we progress through this challenging, inconvenient and difficult time it may help to know that there are predictable stages through which we pass.
The Stages of Grief can explain why we feel strange, disorientated, exhausted, and tense. These are all normal reactions to new, disturbing change. Hopefully, if we know the stages are normal, we can be kinder to ourselves and those both inside and outside our bubble. We are all being tested in new ways.
In addition, there are particular stages through which we pass when we are experiencing a crisis. Knowing what happens at each stage can give us some insight into our own, and other people’s out-of-character behaviour. We are all likely to be acting out-of-character ~ that is part of the challenge!
The stages of the Emotional Journey through Crisis are very similar to the Grief Stages (sourced online from Norman Dreger, “The Edge of Risk”, 18.3.20) but are specific to crises such as the Covid19 Crisis we are all experiencing. These stages are as follows:
DENIAL: As in grief, we experience shock and need to minimise the bad news. “It won’t happen to us”, “We’ll be able to continue with our plans”, “It’s impossible for me to stay home for 4 weeks!”
CONTEMPT: We tend to become judgmental of others - we are quick to accuse other people of over-reacting or under-reacting. Some will become hostile to innocent strangers (i.e. supermarket employees). Some will continue behaving in ways that endanger themselves and others in what appear to be selfish and fool-hardy actions.
BLAME: Others will be blamed for our difficulties. Often the Government will be the target…”they don’t know what they’re doing”…….”they are in chaos”…..”they should have acted a lot sooner” or “they shouldn’t have taken this action.” Other groups of people will be accused of causing the problem. “Those cruise ship passengers shouldn’t have been let into the country”……”the Chinese didn’t tell us how bad it was”….
Unfortunately some people stay in the “Contempt” and “Blame” stages and don’t move on. I have a hunch that if people are generally discontented with their life or are distrustful of others, their characteristic behaviour is amplified in a crisis.. Others, fortunately, do move on.
ADJUSTMENT AND ACCEPTANCE. This is the stage where people adapt to the new situation, regain a sense of relative hopefulness and positivity and find new ways to cope with the concerns, frustrations and challenges.
I believe that most people get to this stage. They are often the ones who remember to consider others (by keeping in contact with others; checking to find out how they are coping; offering practical help; donating to causes; expressing appreciation to those who are the primary workers (health, supermarkets, council workers, police, etc) In other words their focus is often on the well-being of others, as much as it is on themselves.
Fortunately we don’t need to be anyone special to turn our focus towards others. We don’t need special skills or training to have empathy. We just need to remember we are all in this together and we all have a positive contribution to make. Leonard Cohen has something to say about this ‘imperfect offering”…..
“Ring the bells that still can ring,
Forget your perfect offering,
There is a crack in everything -
That’s how the light gets in”
- Leonard Cohen